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The Importance of the Chaos of Duality

Updated: Jan 12, 2022

I am good at going through these weird upgrade type processes. Every time I do I feel conflicted within myself, and like I am being pulled in multiple different directions. I put it down to the fact that I am looking at what I need to look at. If we choose not to do this then we stunt our growth, and in some cases we go backwards with our growth.

I have realised that many of us seem to have this core desire to feel like we are important in some way, which is not inherently a bad thing. The thing that made me realise this to be the case is that I can see and feel this at my very core. Perhaps this is because I have so much fire in my chart, and because I am a Leo North Node. Either way it becomes important to be mindful not to measure our successes by whether outside of ourselves we are seen as important.

In the past I walked the road of a martyr or people pleaser. I pretty much learned to gaslight myself into feeling small and unimportant; because I had learned that people didn’t like it when I stepped into my power. At some point I came to this conclusion that feeling an importance and confidence within myself would lead to me becoming a bad person. The gaslighting of self along with the fear that I was carrying with me stopped me from moving towards my North Node for so many years. I have realised that through my conditioning I had created this illusion that I was somehow less than everybody else; and that I was somehow protecting myself by staying in what I considered to be a ‘safe space’.

When I come into contact with certain people or situations, this illusion has the potential to awaken inside of me once again; but this is now limited by the fact that I am now living very consciously. I observe it over and over as I observe my interactions with people. We need to be mindful that we are not gaslighting ourselves; and creating false illusions and limiting beliefs.

On the flipside of this, if we are too much within our ego then perhaps we start to see things from a warped sense of ego. Consider the leaders, media and influencers within our world as it is today. Observe whether this is coming from a balanced place? Start to observe these things from a place outside of your own biases, with a view to gain a more balanced perspective.

To what lengths will leaders, media and influencers go to with a view to get majority on side? Are we unconsciously being brainwashed and buying into what has been sent as subliminal messages without realising?

At what point does our ego turn into selfishness. And why do those who are living too much in ego try to pull others back in line, by suggesting they might be selfish if they don’t do as is instructed? Could it be that they are reflecting outwards who they are worried they might be at their very core?

Will I ever win this inner conflict and battle of duality within myself that I seem to have been fighting my entire life? I have come so far, yet I still feel like I’m supposed to in some way measure up to what others expect of me. But why?

Do we lose another’s respect at the point we become a martyr or a people pleaser, or are we gaining another person’s trust when we go out of our way to meet their needs? I find it interesting that we seem to be taught that we mustn’t be a doormat, unless being a doormat is to the benefit of others. In other words, we must be a doormat - but at the same time we mustn’t. Which is it?

People show me through their small subtle hints how they desire for me to respond. My intuition has this tendency to let me know when something another person shows me doesn’t align with who I am at my very core. And so I become conflicted about what people tell me. My guess is that they themselves are trying to subconsciously or consciously balance out that duality within. Society in general has this tendency to send out conflicting messages does it not?

It’s not just that their opinion is different than mine, which would be absolutely fine – everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It becomes that fact that we must comply to continue to ‘impress’ this person. And if we don’t, then perhaps we are not meant to be in their life. But then if we remove ourselves from their life, maybe we will miss out on that lesson they are there to teach us.

What I am saying here is there is potentially a duality in every single thing that we do or say.

It’s interesting, I can see the duality push and pull from two opposing ends. Both parties might be adamant that their way is the right way. So then which way is the right way? Instead of meeting somewhere in the middle and compromising and saying that the other person is fine just the way they are – we have this tendency to either stand up and fight or pull away and move on.

But if both parties accept the other for who they are, and where they are at – then we create this space where we can co-exist. It’s interesting because if we ‘compromise’ too much then we lose ourselves in the compromise, so then it becomes about how much compromise is too much?

When conformity is blessed, do you agree that authenticity is rejected? Yet we as a society are taught to conform.

Oh, unless we are a leader, which opens a whole new can of worms does it not? My observation is that many leaders seem to think they are entitled to dictate; and perhaps divide and conquer.

A good leader doesn’t need to dictate, they observe what is happening around them and then tend to guide things in the direction that is for the highest good of all. They take accountability for their actions and lead by example; and so create this culture around them where others are celebrated, but also encouraged to take accountability for their own actions. We must be mindful that we don’t create some sort of power struggle where there is no need for a power struggle.

It is important that we allow those around us to speak their truth, and we accept them as they are. We can learn so much from those who are authentic. Because if we lose our authenticity then we are losing that very thing that makes us free and happy.

This brings me to the duality of doing harm, against doing no harm. How do we measure harm as a society? How do we balance out our authenticity with the correct amount of conformity to ensure that we do no harm?

Sometimes we end up doing harm, and what is done seems to be generally accepted amongst peers and even celebrated out in society.

And sometimes that person who is considered a black sheep or non-conformist; becomes a scapegoat and is rejected by society EVEN THOUGH their focus is on doing whatever is for the highest good of all.

From my observation many are scared of those who threaten to create cracks in or remove the mask. It’s understandable – because when our mask is removed our vulnerabilities can become exposed. And I’m sure you would agree that vulnerability is widely rejected by society. It becomes suggested that this other person is doing harm; when they are simply taking accountability for their actions, choosing not to enable, establishing healthy boundaries, and choosing their own authenticity.

Is life about freedom or conformity, or perhaps it is about the duality of both? Could it be that we are just living in this illusion of different lessons that we are being encouraged to learn? Duality is a very interesting thing. It is important it is acknowledged in the search for balance and stability.

If we look at duality from within us and outside of us from many different angles, it helps us to live from a place of consciousness. It helps us to see both sides. At the same time, it has potential to cause great chaos within ourselves if we are too open to different perspectives.

People shy away from chaos for good reason; and so we see many conforming and following without questioning what is going on outside of them. At what point is it important that we question? If we choose to never question what we are required to conform to, could it be that chaos will eventually be created due to the requirement that we conform?

Following without questioning creates this illusion that we have stability and balance within our life. We think we are being offered freedoms, but what is freedom if it is always conditional on conformity?

Duality helps us reject this tendency to live in a matrix type existence. It encourages us to question. And in today’s world it is very important that we question.

If we want to truly live, as opposed to living under the guise of control, then we must observe the duality of life as essential to our growth; and as a blessing in our life. We always have a choice in how we approach things. It becomes very important to look at this duality; being the light and the dark; the good and the bad; the right and the wrong; the ethical and unethical etc.

It becomes extremely important to recognise that we all have a duality within ourselves; and that sometimes it becomes important that we consciously utilise this duality within ourselves to balance out the duality of what is going on outside of ourselves.

People have suggested that it is not good to step into our dark side, but would you agree that sometimes it becomes necessary with a view that we might shine a light on that which needs to be seen?

To live only in light is good in theory, but if we overdo this then the lessons can become lost; and we might fail to balance out that duality both within and outside of ourselves.

By ignoring the chaos, might we end up unintentionally creating more chaos?

By ignoring conflict in the moment, might we create more conflict somewhere down the road?

By not facing fear, might the universe send lessons to teach us stability and balance, even in the face of adversity and chaos?

By ignoring the fact that society is very strongly blessing conformity over authenticity, could it be that we are heading in a direction where many might completely lose who they are at their very core?

And so it becomes a bit of a balancing act; as we seek to find stability within self by doing the self-work, but also find balance in what we are putting out to the world.

Could it be that one of our soul purposes is to find balance and stability within that chaos that duality so kindly offers us?

I would encourage you to share your thoughts on duality. For example:

  1. Do you pay much attention to duality? Or do you tend to push it aside? Why do you think you do so?

  2. Do you lean more towards conformity or authenticity; or do you seek out a balance somewhere in the middle?

  3. Do you feel you wear some sort of mask, with a view that you might fit into a society that seems to encourage us to conform?

  4. Have you been scapegoated for your authenticity, even though your intention is consistently to do what is for the highest good of all?

Blessings to you in your journey. May your eyes be open to your greatest abundance and truth.

Photo by devn on Unsplash

This content is created by Rachel Reeves, who has always been a deep thinker. She previously played the supporting role in the lives of those around her, and very much held back on sharing this gift fully with other's. This is Rachel stepping very much out of her comfort zone, into what she now knows to be her inner calling, and sharing her thoughts with the world.


This article is intended to support self-growth, but the information provided is to be taken as personal opinion only. Feel free to take what resonates, but use your own inner-wisdom and guidance when doing so -- you know yourself much better than anybody else ever will. The information provided is to be in no way regarded as Medical, Legal, or Financial Advice. Please seek professional advice where needed. Thank you.

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