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The Conditional vs Unconditional Kind of Love

We can feel unlovable, stupid, disempowered, worthless and not enough when we try to reach for certain conditions and expectations within a relationship.

Because of this it is becoming extremely important that society as a whole recognises that putting certain conditions on our relationships is unhelpful and unsustainable. I question how much conformity should be required within societal and family structures before it oversteps a person's boundaries?

When a person is expected to conform to certain conditions and expectations, but this same person at their very core is focused on authenticity and self-growth -- it is inevitable that their self-growth will impact the relationship at some point.

If we try to manipulate a person with a view that they might feel small; and in the hope that they won't grow - we are in a sense holding them captive. At this point we are failing to allow them to truly live life to the very fullest. Is it okay to silently remove freedoms that in my eyes are the birth right of every single individual?

People pleasing by one party is a common theme when conditions are attached within relationships. It's either that, or we see push back by the person on the receiving end.

Consider the person who accepts conditions within a relationship, but in the process they abandon who they are at their very core. When they accept the conditions being placed on them by this other person, are they enabling this person's behaviour? Are they partially responsible?

And consider the person who creates the conditions within a relationship. Is this potentially a fear-based behaviour, if they are trying to control the other person by expecting that they might adhere to certain conditions? In my eyes control is born through fear - and fear is the barrier to love.

Both parties tend to be "fake" to at least some degree within co-dependent relationships where conditions are prevalent. Because they are somewhat fake, they fail to truly live. This can be because a person is trying to avoid doing that healing work, or it could be that they haven't quite yet understood the lesson to be learned... so they continue to manifest that same type of relationship.

The unfortunate thing is that until we have learned the lesson, we are likely to attract more relationships into our life where conditions and expectations are common themes.

It can be particularly difficult to heal a relationship when conditions and expectations have been introduced decades ago; and boundaries were never set.

If these conditions stem back to childhood, then it adds an extra layer to this. There are a few reasons for this:

  • It has likely gone on for some time.

  • We observe the issue of attachment that is common between the parent and the child.

  • As it was introduced in childhood it has likely been accepted as a quite deeply ingrained subconscious behaviour.

To realise that we have the potential to start to learn self-love, self-worth, consciousness, mindfulness, gratitude, and abundance is a truly powerful thing. These are some tools that can help us to push towards love, peace, and stability within our life. Without those things we will likely continue to live in fear, shame and perhaps quite a depressive state.

Something that I have realised and appreciate is that we all have a choice to make. We can either choose to go on a healing journey, we can stay right where we are, and of course there is always the possibility that we might go backwards.

Given that you have a choice, what will you choose today?

This content is created by Rachel Reeves, who has always been a deep thinker. She previously played the supporting role in the lives of those around her, and very much held back on sharing this gift fully with other's. This is Rachel stepping very much out of her comfort zone, into what she now knows to be her inner calling, and sharing her thoughts with the world.


This video and article is intended to support self-growth, but the information provided is to be taken as personal opinion only. Feel free to take what resonates, but use your own inner-wisdom and guidance when doing so -- you know yourself much better than anybody else ever will. The information provided is to be in no way regarded as Medical, Legal, or Financial Advice. Please seek professional advice where needed. Thank you.

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