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Detaching from the word "normal" can be quite liberating

Updated: Feb 24, 2022

What is it to be normal? is it necessary to fit within this construct that has been created? Is it simply a word that defines us as being a slave to and defined by the societal constructs that surround us?

Is to be “normal” to live in the matrix so to speak?

In looking at the definitions across multiple dictionaries, I am realising that to be normal is simply conformity to what we perceive as typical – usual – expected. The moment we attach our acceptance and worth to the word normal we start to lose our true innate beauty; and start to abandon parts of our raw and authentic self.

Society and our unconscious mind suggest that perhaps normal is something to reach for. Is it though? Or is this simply our perception?

By us putting the word “normal” on a pedestal do we attach ourselves to this inner desire to belong within a construct that we are not necessarily meant to fit within?

Through glorifying what is considered to be normal, do we create this wound within both ourselves and others that says a person’s raw and authentic self is not their best self? Do we lie to ourselves about who we truly are and continually adjust to societal norms? What is our intention in doing so? Do we fit within that construct outside of ourselves in the hope that the emptiness within might dissipate?

A concept that has caused me great conflict throughout my life, is this assumption that one must continually compromise and adjust if they wish to be seen as “normal” with a view that they might find a sense of belonging. My realisation given time is that this sort of mentality can lead to co-dependent relationships and people pleasing.

Sometimes it is necessary to compromise and adjust; but it’s important that we do so from a very conscious place. Where is the balance in a relationship where one party is consistently required to make the most, if not all, the adjustments? Does it perhaps become toxic at the point one party feels a strong sense of entitlement; and fosters an expectation that the first party must always adjusts to their way of thinking?

Consider the fact that co-dependent relationships reach beyond our closest, most intimate relationships. There can be this expectation to comply within our workplace, our local community, a religious institution, a volunteer group, our children’s school, our state, our country, the universe.

Is it fair for any other party to expect us to abandon our true and authentic self, with a view that we might fit within the societal construct that is created? When the boundaries are continually tested, how do we respond? When is it reasonable for there to be boundary creep? These are some questions that we must come to terms with within ourselves.

Without asking questions like these, do we simply go about our day and make ‘reasonable adjustments’ with a view that we might fit into the construct that is created and in the hope that we won’t be seen by others as selfish?

If there is boundary creep in any situation, even a little at a time – where does this lead? Have we considered the fact that allowing this boundary creep that first starts as just a little at a time, might morph into a much larger beast eventually?

A beast is much easier to tame when they are small. When they have grown to a large enough size, or in this case built up their confidence within – it will take more effort and resources to tame the beast. And when we’ve unsuccessfully tried to tame the beast for years and years, we grow wary from trying to tame the beast.

This is the exact reason boundaries from the very beginning of a relationship are super important and hold such weight.

Boundaries help us to see the red flags from the very beginning of the relationship, giving us the information we require so that we can be informed as to whether the other party is willing to look at their own stuff – and so grow with us.

What is defined as “normal” within any relationship is first established from the inception of the relationship; and this must be given due consideration. Consider what might become the new normal if we blindly enter a relationship and pay no heed to red flags. We must take responsibility for setting the personal boundaries within our life. If we do not, and instead allow the other person to create these boundaries for us – then consider what might become our new norm.

And if this becomes our new norm, at what point do we grow wary of taming this beast that has been allowed to roam free all this time?

If one can see that self-growth is of high importance, but the other chooses not to look at their stuff, then where does this eventually lead?

If we are truly honest with ourselves, a relationship such as this has a high probability of not lasting. Eventually one will likely outgrow the other.

And so one chooses to mess with the others self-esteem. For this relationship to last, a new norm must be created. At the point this new norm is created and accepted by both parties a co-dependent relationship is established.

Self-love and a great desire to find stability within self is the key to breaking free of this.

If we continue to attract this same type of ‘norm’ into our life, then it becomes important to consider the common denominator.

I started to realise that the common denominator was me. And so I consciously looked at how I was showing up. I realise I was consistently adjusting my boundaries right from the inception of a relationship, for fear of conflict – and fear of being rejected or abandoned. I also gave conscious consideration to my thoughts, my triggers and how I interacted with other people. I started seeing so clearly; and made adjustments in my life to suit. Consciousness is so important, as it is the key to deciphering the difference between people pleasing and what is for the highest good of all.

Now I could have kept looking at others and getting frustrated by their behaviours. Perhaps they weren’t treating me right, but I played a role in that too. I’ve come to realise that many of us have the power to create what is normal and what is not normal in our lives.

If we create this consciously, then we have the power to guide it in a direction of our choice. I realise that some have certain limitations that make things difficult. But many of us also create limitations that don’t need to be there. We assume that we need to adjust to some sort of normal. For example, many of us assume that the path to success is through exceptionally hard work. Yet if you start looking around, there are plenty who have built the life they so desire. Could it be that life is about giving consideration to our deepest desires, and then focusing on them – and pushing towards them.

A dream is just a dream until we make it our reality.

I have also realised that when our subconscious mind has been trained in a certain way, it takes some time to retrain it again. If we have been doing something a certain way our whole entire life, it has become a habit.

Consider the abandoned house that needs major renovations to make it liveable again. If it needs major renovations, it will be impossible to fix in just one day. And so we look at what needs to be done, then we start the process of replacing old for new.

What I am saying here is that if we desire more stability within self, then we must be willing to put in the work to strengthen our foundation. And sometimes the only way to strengthen our foundation is to remove from our life that which no longer serves us, and then look at the rubble and start to rebuild again one brick at a time.

We start to move very differently than we used to. We start to move more from love than from fear.

As we replace the foundations in which our life was once built and start to see the beauty in what we are creating – we start to feel happier and more comfortable within our skin. As we learn to create from a more conscious place, our decision-making skills get a good work out. The momentum starts to gain, but this time in a happier and healthier direction – and we start to feel a zest for life. At the point that this happened in my life, there was simply no going back, the only way was forwards.

We have the power to create what is normal in our lives and what is not.

At the point we learn to do so from a place of authenticity and consciousness, is the point that many of the barriers will start to fall around us.

Will you join me on a quest I am on?

It’s a quest to rebuild; and recreate a life where personal fulfilment, excitement, joy and alignment are the focus. A life full of magical possibilities. One where fear has no place. Because we all have the power to dream up magical possibilities. If there are limitations that can’t be changed, go within to figure out a way around these limitations.

For me personally, I was creating so many limitations, through simply not believing in myself – I didn’t believe I was worthy. I thought I wasn’t enough. But these were all simply thoughts that I had given space and energy to. Others can offer their opinion, but each of us has the individual power to either accept these as our own; or push them aside. We are the only one that can change our perception of what is normal for us. We either conform to what is typical – usual – expected; or we choose to create our own normal.

It is such a blessing to be able to live life from a very conscious place, where you start to see failures as simply lessons to be pushed through.

As we start to rebuild, we gain this awareness of just how much strength, power, and passion we carry within. As we start to step out of our comfort zone and allow those walls to fall around us, we start to realise new talents we may have never discovered if we had stayed within our comfort zone.

To complete this quest, it is so important we are prepared to do a spring clean of our metaphorical closet where we’ve stuffed all those parts of ourselves that had perhaps been categorised as not normal. And from this place consider how to create our new normal. A new normal where our raw and authentic self is celebrated.

To continue to expand outwards, it is so important that we embrace and accept all parts of ourselves, with a view that we might create that new and more fulfilling life we so desire.

Only you will ever know what is normal for you. Enjoy the journey. Consciously live in the present and allow the flow to carry you forwards.

This content is created by Rachel Reeves, who has always been a deep thinker. She previously played the supporting role in the lives of those around her, and very much held back on sharing this gift fully with other's. This is Rachel stepping very much out of her comfort zone, into what she now knows to be her inner calling, and sharing her thoughts with the world.


This video and article is intended to support self-growth, but the information provided is to be taken as personal opinion only. Feel free to take what resonates, but use your own inner-wisdom and guidance when doing so -- you know yourself much better than anybody else ever will. The information provided is to be in no way regarded as Medical, Legal, or Financial Advice. Please seek professional advice where needed. Thank you.

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