Updated: Jan 12
I ponder today what love is, and what love isn’t.
Please be mindful that these are simply my thoughts on this topic. I encourage you to add your thoughts, as I welcome other people’s perspectives.
Most of the words I thought of for love fit within that box without question. And most things I thought of as not being love fit within the other box without question. But when I pondered the word 'worry' I wasn’t all that sure what box to put it in.
Interestingly I just recently had a conversation with another, who felt very strongly that worry equals love, but I questioned them on this. And they questioned me on the fact that I questioned them on how they love – which is a valid point. But I have always had this tendency to question when a particular perspective does not seem balanced. So now, I further ponder on this question.
The truth is that worry pushes the panic button, so in choosing to connect worry with love we are perhaps choosing to live in a constant state of panic. Worry is fear based. Our fears have the ability to rub off onto those who we love, and it may just hold them back in life.
Something that rings true in my life is that worry equals stress and anxiety.
It holds me back from living authentically. It holds me back from following my intuition and doing the things that I really want to do. With a view to become more centred and grounded, I work towards reducing any stresses within my life, as these stresses are not helpful. Worry for me equals stress and anxiety, and so I continuously work towards worry taking up very little to no space within my life.
And within society I have noticed that control is very strongly interconnected with worry. If we can control something, then is it true this might help us worry less? But is being controlling, with a view to counteract worry, really for the greatest good of all? The truth is that being controlling creates its own set of issues.
I have realised that pondering, as opposed to worrying is more where we want to be.
Pondering is putting that question out there into the universe, and then taking a deep breath – and waiting for that answer to come in. Sometimes the answer doesn’t come in straight away, so at times we need to allow that question to simply hover for a while.
Spending a bit of time pondering and doing that “shadow work” can have a healthy impact on our life. It allows for us to evolve and grow as a person and can assist us in making healthy life choices.
If we make it a point to ponder as opposed to worry, then we are working towards coming up with suitable solutions. And because we are working towards a suitable solution, it might then allow us to release excessive worry and any anxiety related to this same issue.
Many of us carry way too many burdens when there simply is no need. I am not immune from this. Even though I've done a ton of work on myself, I am still working towards putting down the burdens. But I have realised that as I do the shadow work, I continue to release myself from these burdens. Would you agree that worry is a burden? And if we put it into perspective perhaps it is a burden that we don’t need to carry and can put down?
In relation to pondering it is most important to realise that we can overdo anything.
I am personally a deep thinker, and therefore probably ponder more than some. But if we excessively ponder, it can lead to busyness of mind. It is therefore very important to clear or quiet the mind for a while, as busyness is not always helpful to us reaching a positive resolution.
It is also very important not to get so engrossed in this process that we cease to live in the moment, or take action.
Sometimes life is about allowing things to simply be and enjoying that present moment.
Life is to notice the tree branches swaying back and forth, as we walk through the parkland. Life is to breathe in the fresh air. Life is to create. We ARE the artists of our own life. Life is to laugh and play more. Because most of us don’t do enough of this. Life is to be truly grateful for what we have, instead of focusing on what we do not. Life is to enjoy the magnificent views that Mother Nature offers us. Life is to simply be.
These are just a few things I can think of that can bring us back to centre, and help us realise that life doesn’t need to be about worry, stress and anxiety.
Life is what we make it and should be about enjoying the journey.
What are some things you have done in the past week or month that have had a positive impact on your life, and have allowed you to ground yourself and bring yourself back to centre? I am realising that focusing on doing more of those things that centre and ground us are of utmost importance, as they help us reach greater balance in life.
You are the creator of your own life. You are offered a blank canvas today, and you have the choice to fill this canvas in whatever way you choose. Keep in mind that positive will create more positive, but if we stay in a negative state of mind we are choosing to create more negative.
I see worry as us being concerned that bad things might occur either now or in the future.
Worries seem to be based on what we have heard from others, what we have read in the news, and wounds that we as humans carry with us.
When I realise I am worrying, I find it helpful to question how likely it is that that particular thing might come to fruition. If it IS NOT likely, I can reset, as I realise I don’t need to hold onto this worry any longer. On the other hand, if it IS likely to come to fruition, then rather than excessively worrying about it, I try to use this as a prompt to ponder on whether it is something I can change?
If it is something I can change, would changing it be for the highest good of all? Or would it, in this situation be best for me to simply allow it to be? If making some sort of change IS for the highest good of all, what are some of the potential solutions?
If it IS NOT for the highest good of all to make a change, then what is my reasoning deep down for wanting a change? If I can close it off with this sort of question, it allows me some insight into why I am thinking in this way and might provide an opportunity for further healing and growth.
I question whether it is a good idea to balance our worries out by controlling another?
Sometimes it is important to allow others to learn their own lessons.
We can say a word or two or three or four to guide another in the right direction, but we cannot make them take the steps that we might believe they should take.
The fact is that if we become too controlling of the outcome in either our life, or another person’s life, then we live too much in our ego. And when we live too much in our ego, the universe has this way of sending us lessons to help balance things out.
The reverse is also true. If we live in ego very little, and we allow others to make all the decisions – the universe will send us lessons to help balance it out.
This bring us to the question of whether worry fits in with love when it comes to our children?
Everybody’s home situation is different, but I would love for you to read through my perspective; take whatever is helpful and leave the rest.
When I personally ponder on the question of unconditional love when it comes to my children, worry simply doesn’t fit. My thought is that excessive worry on my part may negatively impact my children, especially when they move out of home, and start to put down their own roots.
I have realised that the words parents speak have impact, and therefore truly matter. And so we need to be mindful of how those words flow through us.
If we excessively worry, then are we likely to perhaps try and control the situation? And if we try to control the situation, will the universe eventually provide lessons to balance this out? Do we feel this strong desire to control the actions of our children, or want to hold them back from experiencing certain things? If so, why?
Is it because we try to live through them, is it to do with pride if our child makes a mistake, is it because we worry they might get hurt, or perhaps because we might miss them if they choose to live 500km's away?
My question becomes do we want our children to feel constricted in what they can achieve in life, because of our own worries and insecurities?
I don’t tend to worry much about my teenage children, as I know I have taught them enough that I feel I don’t need to worry. And where I know my children need more practice, I have put certain guidelines in place for the moment to protect them, and have explained the reasons for these guidelines.
We could try to control our children, but is that for the highest good of all?
How much control or guidance is the right amount?
Because if you are anything like me, you don’t want to stop your children from learning the lessons they need to learn in life, but you also don’t want to see them hurt.
My biggest fear is that my children will be held back from living their best life.
It is important that this be put into context. My children are teenagers, and they have now learned enough that I feel comfortable in the knowledge that they will make good choices. Whereas when they were younger, I provided them with a huge amount of guidance.
But I have realised that as they get older, there is a need to gradually loosen the reigns. How do they practise these skills otherwise, and how do they gain confidence in their own abilities? Because in the next 5 years they will both likely start to find their own way.
I see it as I am here to teach and guide, to love them unconditionally, and to always treat them with respect. The way I see it is they can learn so much more by my giving them some freedoms, but doing so with the knowledge that I am available anytime for advice; and if things don't go quite as planned then I’ve got their back.
For me personally it wouldn’t be healthy to worry about or control every aspect of their life, based on my own insecurities.
I have no doubt in my mind that my children have and will stumble upon lessons that they need to learn. But they have shown me time and time again that they can handle these lessons, and they consistently make good life choices.
So instead of making these decisions for them, I choose to make myself available to offer guidance if they need it. They know without question that I am there; without fear that I will get angry at them for making a wrong choice.
So, let’s go back to the original question of whether worry equals love?
Worry can definitely occur because we love someone, I am not going to deny that.
But my question becomes is it for the highest good of all? Because the fact is, worry is fear based and will likely lead to trying to control another. It can lead to living a life in a constant state of panic, stress, and anxiety. This can then rub off onto others. Is this healthy?
I would encourage you to take some time to ground and centre; and then work on alchemising your worries into solutions, healing, and growth. Through us focusing more on pondering, as opposed worry and control, we have the ability to make a much greater impact to those around us.
This content is created by Rachel Reeves, who has always been a deep thinker. She previously played the supporting role in the lives of those around her, and very much held back on sharing this gift fully with other's. This is Rachel stepping very much out of her comfort zone, into what she now knows to be her inner calling, and sharing her thoughts with the world.
This video and article is intended to support self-growth, but the information provided is to be taken as personal opinion only. Feel free to take what resonates, but use your own inner-wisdom and guidance when doing so -- you know yourself much better than anybody else ever will. The information provided is to be in no way regarded as Medical, Legal, or Financial Advice. Please seek professional advice where needed. Thank you.
Be mindful of worry. Is it helpful to worry about the same thing over and over?
Would it be more useful to observe our thoughts and push them to the side. And then do a deep dive to heal. Or put that question out into the universe, take a deep breath, and wait for the answer to surface?
It might not reach a resolution straight away. You may need to allow the question to linger.