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Thoughts on Healing from Enmeshment Trauma

Overtime I have found that enmeshment manifests as this kind of duality within us.

Our authenticity might try and draw us in one direction, but our enmeshment strongly pulls us in the totally opposite direction. Without realising it we become addicted to becoming what the other wants us to become. We might receive some form of acceptance, or we might use it as a survival tactic to avoid more pain. We create this error inside of ourselves that says it is not okay to have autonomy within our own thought process. This creates a sort of chaos within us; and we don’t quite understand why it’s there.

We think we must adjust to the others way of thinking; and that we must always comply. Because what happens if we don’t? We might be pointed at and laughed at and told that we don’t know what we’re talking about. We are gaslighted into submission by the other.

When we are gaslighted into submission we are rejected, whether the other seemingly rejects us or not – because we are rejecting and abandoning ourselves in the process of submission to the other. The only way we can heal this is by finding and embracing our autonomy once again. This is the reason I have become so passionate about boundaries and authenticity.

Meanwhile the other is simply trying their best to stop that light from being shone on their own wound. The question then becomes, if both are the victim, then who is the victim really? Perhaps the light needs to be shifted off of who is the victim – and onto how do we heal these wounds?

My observation is that when we try and push our own belief systems onto another through different methods of gaslighting and manipulation, we are simply trying to keep our own wounds closed. The interesting thing is that this gaslighting and manipulation will be mirrored back in some way or another at some point, as the universe has this interesting way of sending us the lessons that we personally need to learn.

Gossiping, rescuing, people pleasing, manipulation and triangulation etc will not heal those wounds, these are ways that we might pick at the scab. To choose not to look at the lessons, will also cause us to pick at the scab in some way or another. Plus, to not look at the wound will mean that we are adding more pain to this wound through the lessons we are sent. Think about it, if we pick at a scab a little at a time – then it stops the wound from healing. But at some point, we are likely to be sent a lesson that is designed to fully open the wound. This will be painful at first, but it allows us to see things exactly as they are… which then allows us to put on a bandage, so that we can no longer pick at the scab, making it possible for us to fully mend that wound. A blessing, although it doesn’t seem like it at first.

My question now becomes, have we at some point become an enmeshed society? I see it interweaved through many workplaces, where people seem to be too afraid to speak, for fear that they might lose their job. Some are allowed to speak, while interestingly others are silenced. Many who are silenced will at some point reach a point where they have enough respect for themselves that they know that they deserve to be seen and heard; and then choose to walk away.

I can also see it interweaved through many relationships. Perhaps this is simply because I am personally healing from enmeshment trauma. When we start to pay attention, then we see that the universe has this way of drawing our attention to those things outside of ourselves that shine a light on what we need to look at within, so that we might heal. But perhaps I am seeing something that many aren’t, simply because of the type of trauma I have carried with me.

Something that I have noticed within social media is that there are so many ‘discussions’ that are had with a view to retain one’s position and one’s own autonomy. Is this because social media seems like it is perhaps a safer place to try and prop ourselves up? Everyone is simply trying to be seen and heard, but the question is, are we truly listening to the other – or are focusing on our own agenda, with little regard for how the other might feel?

Is it perhaps a little safer to push our agenda from behind a computer screen that separates ourselves from the other, with a view that we might give our own ego a boost? If we’re proud of those words that we’ve put out there, then might it offer us a sense of validation; and so we disregard what the other might think or feel. The thing is that if we sit within this type of energy, there will always be plenty around just waiting to try to knock us off our pedestal.

We need to therefore be mindful of the types of behaviours we engage in.

That’s not to say that we must not speak, that is not the answer. It’s just good to be mindful of those words that come from our mouth, as there tends to be a cause and effect. If we don’t speak at all, there is also a cause and effect.

We have so many labels in this world it’s ridiculous. We have activists for this and activists for that; but is anyone truly willing to put down their metaphorical sword and actually listen to the other’s point of view. If not, we are simply engaging in debates, and then deciding ourselves who was the winner in that debate. Sometimes we might think we have won. Other times we might think we have lost. In all truth neither has won – until such time as either party sees through this illusion that they must engage in a fight or be in competition with the other in the first place. Two people can surely believe something different and still get along.

Wouldn’t it be better to simply say, “Thank you so much for sharing with me your beliefs today. I respect that, but I believe something different.” Do we need to change others, or rescue them, or adjust to their way of thinking – or any of that? Is it simply keeping us in a never-ending loop by engaging in the drama and chaos around us?

What I have realised is that nobody else needs to fix me, and I am not actually here to fix anybody else. This might perhaps seem like an odd thing to say, considering I choose to share my hopefully coherent ramblings with you. To be honest the words that I speak through these videos are quite healing for me personally. If they simply help me to navigate my own space, then I am okay with that. If they help another in their journey, then that is an added bonus.

My job here on earth is to pick up all those pieces and put myself back together the RIGHT way. Nobody knows me better than myself. And so, if you try and put together my puzzle, might you unknowingly put pieces back where they simply don’t belong? The same might apply if I try to do this for you. So please when you watch my videos, simply take what resonates for you in your life; and set the rest aside.

Because I have felt intuitively drawn to share my ramblings with you on here, I can only assume it might help some other people to pick up the pieces of their own puzzle and put them back together in their own beautiful way.

It has been an honour to offer you my ramblings today. I would really love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Thank you to everyone for joining me in this video; and for the beautiful wisdom and blessings that you offer within my life. I wish you all love, light, and peace as you move forwards in your journey. Hopefully I’ll see you back here in the videos to come. Have a great day!

This content is created by Rachel Reeves, who has always been a deep thinker. She previously played the supporting role in the lives of those around her, and very much held back on sharing this gift fully with other's. This is Rachel stepping very much out of her comfort zone, into what she now knows to be her inner calling, and sharing her thoughts with the world.


This video and article is intended to support self-growth, but the information provided is to be taken as personal opinion only. Feel free to take what resonates, but use your own inner-wisdom and guidance when doing so -- you know yourself much better than anybody else ever will. The information provided is to be in no way regarded as Medical, Legal, or Financial Advice. Please seek professional advice where needed. Thank you.

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