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Identity. Is it Yours? Or have you taken on the identity of the other?

Updated: Nov 9, 2022

If we're not leaning into individuality, then we tell our inner-child a story - one that says we are not enough.

My thought is that if we lean into authenticity, we shine a light on our soul purpose

Consider the following questions:

  1. Who are you right now?

  2. What are your special gifts?

  3. How can you use these gifts, with a view to make the world a better place?

If we meditate for a while on questions such as these and start to make small changes every day, then we start to embody our purpose.

Something one of my former bosses suggested one day that quite honestly made me cringe was that life is about observing, and then copying others.

No. I am the original

I am not a copy or clone, and I don't desire to be.

Be mindful of reaching to become something others want you to be, as this simply leads to you abandoning your true beauty.

Instead consciously choose and lean into who you personally want be. My thought is that it's time for us to create our own little piece of heaven on earth.

Watch the short video for more thoughts on this topic (or read the transcript below):

I can’t be you, any more than you can be me. Why then do so many of us reach to become the person the other seems to want us to be? We place our value on an identity that is not ours. We give energy to becoming something we are not. And some of us lose ourselves in that process.

If we were to spend some time exploring our own identity, might we find beauty within it? It is a powerful thing to be able to embrace all those different parts of oneself; and to learn vulnerability, compassion, and forgiveness of self.

This brings us to that moment that we start to make the beautiful shift towards self-love.

It’s important to realise that self-love does not happen on its own. To be able to reach that place where we hold a deep love for self, we must first go on a journey to find ourselves; and be prepared to nurture our inner child back to good health.

There is power in fostering love and care for oneself. People might suggest it is vain or selfish or whatever. Yet, there is this conflicting message that says we can only fix or control ourselves. And so, what do we do? Do we look within, or do we look outside of ourselves for happiness, purpose, fulfilment, and a deep understanding of who we should become?

It is good to understand that there is only one person in this world that has the power to live, breathe and embody the lessons placed within our own path. We mirror to another what they need to see, yet for that person to learn the lesson, they must first understand and embrace that lesson as their own.

We can encourage and empower another to become whole – and to enjoy the journey. But we must realise that the other person is only empowered through being offered the opportunity to choose their own path. It is the role of each individual to choose to heal their own heart, learn self-love, self-respect, and self-care… and appreciate their own company.

To embrace our identity has the power to shift us towards authenticity and our purpose. I have an appreciation for my intuition – and for the ebb and flow of life. We can choose to go with the current, or we can choose to go against the current. This current flows differently for every individual.

For some, the current flows in the totally opposite direction to others. We must be mindful of making assumptions when it comes to another’s identity. If we make the choice on their behalf, we rob them of their choice. I am sure you have heard the old proverbs:

“You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.”

We can provide wisdom and support to those around us, but we cannot force for them to onboard our own truth as their own. That’s not our job. That’s not what we are here to do. Our role is only to offer guidance when it seems relevant and support the other on their journey – as opposed to shoving our wisdom down their throat.

We need to be mindful of focusing the majority of our energy outwards. We may not be able to fix or change the other; yet we might use a great deal of energy trying. To drain our cup for another might seem like a good option at times, but is it healthy to be doing so?

If we have lost our identity, how do we find it again? The only way is to go on a journey of self-discovery. You are the only one with your identity. There might be some similar, but none the same. Others might be able to offer some wisdom to guide you on your path; but only you will know whether that piece of wisdom resonates within your being.

Your belief systems become part of your identity. As you move through life, your belief systems are likely to change. You might have been authentic at 10… and you might still be authentic at 20 or 50 or 80… yet you have embodied the knowledge you have learned along the way – because of this, you are different. The mask falls away more and more as we embrace the knowledge and the lessons. The aim is in figuring out who we are right now. It is within exposing those layers underneath that mask. We cannot uncover our raw beauty until we are willing to look beneath that mask.

The beauty is within our differences; and within understanding our identity and reaching towards it. You do not need to believe the same thing as I do. But I can hold space so that you can show me who you are.

We consciously or subconsciously choose each day what we channel our energy into. We can judge another for who they are; or we can focus that same energy into becoming the best version of ourselves. For me sitting within self-love means to honour who I am as a person. It is to embrace and embody those lessons, so that I can create a solid foundation within my very being. And through both consciousness and self-love I learn to show up more presently for those around me.

We can learn to be okay on our own…

I used to struggle to be by myself. I looked outside of myself for love and fulfilment. This created a type of disempowerment within me. When decisions were required, I felt a need to look towards the other. I constantly wanted to spend more time with the other; and got a little frustrated if they had their own priorities. But I also had this tendency to lose my identity, so that I could become what the other seemed to need for me to become, which created a type of duality within me. Nowadays I spend a great deal of time alone, but it is rare that I feel alone. In fact, I kind of prefer to be by myself. But I am also okay to be around people.

From my Saturn return onwards, I have made it my goal to better understand myself and shift into my authenticity. It is important to realise that this takes time and effort. With so much conditioning, it becomes quite impossible to wake up one morning and step into that person we always wanted to become. It first becomes necessary to decondition from decades of subconscious messaging.

I used the lessons that were sent by the universe to learn about myself. I learned self-love; and I learned to truly appreciate my own company. I learned to build myself up. I learned that I felt more empowered when I picked my own path. I learned that sometimes my identity is watered down by others, if I allow it. I learned that I am not my thoughts; and I am not my pain. To choose to go within with a view to gain a better understanding of self holds great power and beauty.

We stand out when we decide to show up within our authenticity. We stand out when we become the lone wolf and need for no other. Interestingly, when we need for no other – at some point we start to show up more presently in their lives. This idea of reciprocity and abundance shifts more towards a desire for the other to show up in an authentic way.

As I have become more in touch with my identity, I have also become more in touch with my own emotions. My emotions are a part of me; and to reject them is to reject a part of me. Through becoming more in touch with my emotions I can honour them. As I have learned to integrate them with my logic, my emotions cease to be a hindrance, but instead have become a guiding force.

I observe as so many embody this message that life is about becoming what the other person suggests we must become.

My observations suggest that when we are consistently adjusting with a view to belong, as opposed to setting healthy boundaries, we end up at some point tuning into the chaos channel. We not only become the people pleaser or enabler, but we start to embody our own special flavour of cognitive dissonance. We carry a dualism within, which at some point starts to screw with both our thoughts and emotions. As we sit within the confusion and illusions, we start to look back over our life and ponder on this question, how did we get here?

At the point we choose to live and breathe only for the other; we sacrifice our own autonomy. The selflessness creates a type of dualism within us. We look to the other to tell us whether we are the leader or the follower; and in doing so we step into the role of follower. Yet, if we seek the truth of our identity, then perhaps we were always meant to be the leader.

Society seems to suggest that we must be one or another; either bold or selfless. What I personally reach for is this world somewhere in-between. We can become too much about ourselves, but we can also become too much about the other. And so the goal becomes to not only hold space to reach for our own identity… but also create space for the other to show up in theirs.

There is toxicity in this thought that we must meet others where they are at. If we all reach for our authenticity, then we all create a requirement for the other to meet us where we are at. We show up and bless the other person with our essence. They can so choose to do the same.

We might observe that one person isn’t quite right for another when showing up within our authenticity. A person might not be ready to grow and change with the other; or we might notice them growing in a totally different direction. And that’s okay, that is all part of life – but it’s important that we see it for what it is. We either wait and hold space and work together with that other person… or we choose to shift away, at least for the moment.

We do seek to learn through the other. Yet we need to be mindful we are not trying to become their identity… and that we don’t require for them to become ours.

The issue becomes, we could wait and hold space forever. It is very important to be consciously aware of the words and actions of the other. They show us what we need to see.

When we see those red flags, it can either become a hindrance, or we can use it for guidance. When we continuously excuse another… when we choose to sit within this toxic relationship and start to notice a pattern of adjustment to keep the other comfortable – that is the moment that we realise we have made ourselves the martyr; and sacrificed our identity for the other.

As we make a conscious choice to do a deep dive into our soul, we gain a better understanding of self. We start to accept both the light and the dark. We look around us and recognise that every human being holds both a light and a darkness within their being. It is part of being human. Yet, the fact that we hold a shadow seems to cause some confusion. It might make us feel unworthy or less than. Yet our shadow can become a beautiful part of who we are. I partially learn and create through my shadow… and so I very clearly can see the blessing within my shadow.

Who are we? What do we stand for? Why do we have these hands? These feet? This brain?

What sets us apart from the other? Do we need to fix the other? If so, why? Are they perhaps broken? If they are, then whose job is it to fix their brokenness? What if we think they are broken; and we are continually trying to fix them – only to realise they were never broken in the first place? What if we break them even more by trying to fix their brokenness?

It is interesting when we delve into such questions. But we also need to be mindful that we are asking the right questions. I have found it useful to give consideration to where I allow my energy to flow. It is good to reflect, but it is also important to take action. If we spend our life anxious and worried, might we fail to see the beauty in the moment? Might we perhaps ignore the beauty of life and what has or is going right… only to replace it with that which has or is going wrong?

We can waste decades looking to another for guidance on who we are, only to realise that our true identity is hidden within our very being. This leads us into a journey where we seek to understand and heal from our trauma. But as we heal that trauma, we realise that we have created protective walls and armour deep within our being. As we work to remove them, we become kind of amazed at how strong we built them. The aim was that nobody would be able to hurt us. We realise that we not only need to heal; but need to figure out how to remove at least some of the protective walls and armour that our identity is hidden beneath.

We also start to realise that subconscious patterning and addictions are present due to our pain and trauma. And we start to observe the limiting beliefs that we carry within us. Those belief systems that we hold that say we cannot do this or that or the other… but they only exist through fear. It is through fear that we are often held back from embracing our authenticity.

The goal becomes to shift back to ourselves… who we are… how we live… and breathe… and show up in this world. Our identity is within us. We bless ourselves through our willingness to embrace the fool’s journey that will slowly but surely uncover our inner compass. It is through observation of where our intuitions take us, that we start to strip back those layers of who we are at our very core. Part of the beauty that life holds is through self-discovery. To focus on self-discovery draws our focus away from pessimism; and it shifts our focus back to who we are – and what we desire from life.

This content is created by Rachel Reeves, who has always been a deep thinker. She previously played the supporting role in the lives of those around her, and very much held back on sharing this gift fully with other's. This is Rachel stepping very much out of her comfort zone, into what she now knows to be her inner calling, and sharing her thoughts with the world.


This video and article is intended to support self-growth, but the information provided is to be taken as personal opinion only. Feel free to take what resonates, but use your own inner-wisdom and guidance when doing so -- you know yourself much better than anybody else ever will. The information provided is to be in no way regarded as Medical, Legal, or Financial Advice. Please seek professional advice where needed. Thank you.

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