Updated: Jan 12, 2022
I am going to speak today about a situation I went through some time back that kind of pushed me over the edge and into my awakening. I feel called to share this today, as it might help even one other person to realise that being in a not so great situation can really help us with healing the burdens and the wounds that we carry with us. It can also lead us to a better understanding of the dark and the light side of people, and so the underlying motivations of both words and actions. Many people carry unhealed wounds, and we all have both a light and a dark side. Having an understanding of this can help give us some perspective in any situation.
I want to take this moment to encourage you not to ever intentionally put yourself in or stay in a bad situation, this is not what I am suggesting in this post. Please seek help and support if you are in one. Please find a way out, as you don’t belong there. Know that you truly deserve better.
This post is more for those who have survived those bad situations. For those who are frustrated and angry that they keep attracting the same kind of thing and know that they deserve better. It leaves us very confused when we keep attracting those eck lessons into our life; despite the knowledge we are a good person to our very core. For a while I was asking why me as I attracted some eck lessons into my life. I have most definitely been there.
I personally went through many lessons. The tower moments became quicker and quicker as I went through each lesson. If we are a person who has gone through many lessons in our life, there is great possibility that we are destined to do great things in this world. Realising this is a powerful thing. But we must first be prepared to push through and out of that hurt and the pain that we hold within. We cannot do powerful things if we aren’t prepared to do the work so that we can put down those heavy burdens that we carry.
We either choose to see our survival of the bad as a gift, or yet another burden to carry. The gift is our ability to learn from every single experience put in our path. It is the ability to alchemise our life and focus on creating the life that we desire once we go through the lessons we must learn. It is also the strength we carry from walking this path.
If we are a good person to our very core, we choose to look within – rather than only looking outside of ourselves. We might see that others have done things that were not so great, but we will also likely see that we played a role in it as well. I have personally realised that I have in the past enabled toxic behaviours. I was only able to alchemise these parts of myself at the point I saw it for what it was.
Other people sometimes try to hold us back from becoming the best version of ourselves. They try to dim or steal our light. I am realising that we can learn from observing the situation, instead of taking their words and actions on board as our own. The truth is we ARE worthy of having people in our life that provide respect and reciprocity! If a person offers anything other than respect and reciprocity at any point in a relationship, we have a choice. We either choose the lesson – or we choose a different path. If you don't think you have a choice then please look again.
We choose our thoughts, feelings, emotions, and actions every single day. Our awakening is linked to choosing the right ones; and it’s linked to us looking at things from different angles and from a higher perspective. Once we recognise our true value, we start to expect that people come to us correct. But we need to be careful that we don’t end up moving way to far to the point we step into our ego. We need to live life in such a way that we always seek to try to balance out the scales.
In the following situation I consciously chose the lesson about 2 months in, at the point I decided to stay.
I could say I chose the lesson unconsciously, but I actually remember those moments when I gave that choice in front of me due consideration.
At about the 2 month point I intuitively felt really drawn to move on. At that point I had seen some red flags, but they honestly didn’t seem so bad at the time. Despite this my whole being was screaming for me to move on.
I pushed my thoughts and feelings aside. Because of my past I was fearful that I would be seen as a failure by those around me if I moved on. Another thought that made me push this feeling aside was a logical one, that we could really do with the money – which was most definitely the truth at the time. I also had this inbuilt ‘lack mentality’ that I had carried with since I was young, so I didn’t see another way out – and so I stayed.
Through staying I was taught some invaluable lessons. They were who not to be and who not to put myself around.
The person I had aligned myself with was considered a leader in their field. People were drawn to this person. In the public eye they were seen as trustworthy and as a sales dynamo, and so seen in an extremely positive light. It seemed on the surface like they had it all figured out. I later realised that this was the mask that they wore.
At first, it was like this person was my instant best friend. They wanted to know all about me. I established a huge amount of respect for them in a short amount of time. Did they deserve this much respect? Was this all a ploy?
Perhaps I should have paid more attention to the red flags – but I didn’t – BUT I will not beat myself up over that. I decided a long time ago that I would never have any regrets ever, and I stand behind this choice. This being the case whatever choice I made was the right one.
Anyway, back to the story. At about 3-4 months I saw their dark side extremely clearly. Their dark side interestingly was weaved through the culture of the place, which points back to those red flags I had noticed very early on. There was always this underlying fear that I might do something wrong in their eyes. For example, perhaps I would make a mistake, or maybe I would not turn off every single light when I went home one evening, or not be seen doing the dishes or cleaning up enough, or not reach enough billable hours in a day.
Perhaps I wouldn’t do whatever it is that this person desired on a particular day. It became obvious that they were observing me and looking for those little or big discrepancies that they could use to tear me down. I was treated like I was an option. I was treated like I was dispensable.
Thinking back now, it makes me think of the narcissistic family dynamic – but in this situation it was playing out in the workplace. I see a mum and a dad, the golden child, the flying monkeys – and the scape goat.
There was this constant passive-aggressive pressure to get enough done every single day.
The underlying feeling was that I owed them the world for giving me a job. The truth is I didn’t, it’s all in one's perception. What made this more difficult was that I carried within this perfectionist type mindset amongst other things, and so I became fearful of imperfection and rejection in absolutely everything I did every single day.
Although it was difficult, I am truly grateful for this lesson and experience.
Working there bought up so many fears within me, and I realised it was not possible to stuff these fears that were coming up back down. I’m the sort of person that once something has been seen, it cannot be unseen. In other words, once I have been taught a certain lesson, I then have an inability to push aside my new understanding in any given situation moving forwards. I therefore ended up looking at what I needed to.
Something I found interesting was that this person fairly regularly spoke about past experiences, and how they had shaped them as the person they are today. What I found intriguing was it seemed like they had spent a lot of time observing and applying other people’s behaviours, values, and beliefs. They observed with a view to ‘copy’ what works, and discard what doesn’t. This person was essentially working to make themselves bigger and better by copying what seemed to work. Every single one of us does this to some degree, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing – but I realised that this was to a larger degree.
But I have also realised I was doing something kind of similar myself, but in the reverse. I had learned how to blend into the background and would make myself small. I guess I figured if I made myself small and didn’t cause some sort of scene, then things would play out just fine. I had learned to shrink myself to make other people comfortable with a view that I might fit in. This was a survival tactic I learned a long long time ago, which served me well for a time, but is no longer needed in my life.
I don't think I was ever meant to make myself small and I don't think anyone is. I also don't think we're meant to make ourselves larger than others. To make ourselves larger than another is to take away from another and make them feel less than.
I’m not meant to fit in and wasn’t put on this earth to make other people comfortable; I was put on this earth to shine a light on the truth. It is in my nature to constantly grow. If we constantly grow and raise our vibration, it is without doubt that we will end up leaving people behind in the process.
Anyway, I have digressed and now it is time to get back to the story. It was made clear that this person was not being their authentic self, but instead had become a clone of the people they looked up to. The result of becoming a clone and mastering their communication skills seemed to be a grandiosity mindset; they lived way too much in their ego. It seemed like they felt they had done the work, and so they should be held in high honour – and others should therefore now bow down to them, copy them and fall into line.
When it is obvious that the motivation is to have control over a situation and control over others, is mastering the art of emotional control deserving of respect? If we haven’t dealt with what needs to be dealt with, then it is without question that our shadow side will come out to play.
In this situation it became obvious that this person feared losing control and being exposed for who they really were underneath. They hid their fears by pushing their dark side onto others, which manifested as control, manipulation, and triangulation. I don’t think they realised, but it was very obvious to me every time this person gaslighted me. This is because I knew what it looked and felt like, as I had been through it plenty of times before. Just as soon as they started doing that to me, I realised it was my time to start moving out the door. At the point that they gaslighted me they lost every single ounce of respect I had previously honoured them with.
I have so much more respect for that person who isn’t afraid to be authentic.
I am empathetic to a person who lives way too much in their ego, but in a different way, as I know they may never experience life in the way that I experience it. Because I don’t see life as being about mastering the art of copying, control, manipulation, and influence.
If gossip and triangulation is a culture in a workplace, this is a gigantic red flag.
Triangulation had become a deep-seated culture within this workplace. The gossip ran rampant; particularly between those I would perceive as the mum, dad and golden child in this dynamic.
Gossip and triangulation were so deeply weaved through the culture of this place, but they were also very prideful of their name. To the outsider looking in I’m guessing this place looked to be perfection, but honestly it was far from. They had a high turnover of staff for the relatively short amount of time I was there.
At about 3-4 months, just after I had intuitively felt drawn to move on, it became very evident just how much the culture of the workplace was affecting me.
What started with a strong feeling of wanting to move on very quickly morphed into high-sensitivity and health issues. All my chakras very quickly became blocked. My emotions were all over the place, which seemed to develop into a histamine intolerance. I had headaches, vertigo, tiredness, and a general feeling of being unwell.
The person at work who seemed to be a main cause of these problems suggested I probably had a hormonal imbalance. I saw a doctor; and they sent me for a blood test. My hormone levels were all fine. And so I booked in to see a Naturopath in the hope to get some answers.
I pretty much figured out what the problem was before I even attended the appointment with the Naturopath. It was obvious that the culture within this workplace was not good for my health. I chose to stay there for the moment, but I had by that time completely let go of a fear that I might lose my job, as honestly, they would be doing me a favour if they fired me.
I used that short time I knew I still had there to detach myself from the outcome, to re-empower myself, connect once again with my intuition and to separate my emotions. I put a lot of work into clearing negative energy and into rebalancing my chakras. The health issues started to subside without any intervention by a doctor or a Naturopath. I still decided to go to the Naturopath which did further balance me out, but I didn’t have such a strong need to once I started surrendering, healing and standing in my power.
As you can imagine this did not go down well, but I had gotten to a point that I very clearly saw this as a lesson and had detached from the outcome. I guess I kind of realised there was no point in caring – because I had reached a point where I knew whatever would be would be. I knew it was better to be authentic, than to live in another’s shadow and live a lie.
I am an empath, and I had already put up with enough in my lifetime. But I have learned so much from these lessons.
By the time I was offered this lesson, I was already carrying an extra heavy burden.
It consisted of my thoughts and emotions from not only this lesson, but any unhealed past lessons as well. I reached the lowest of lows while I was there. There were so many triggers in that place that it made me look at what I needed to look at and I knew things had to change.
The same place or lesson may not affect another person in such a way, but it was designed to push my buttons to the point that I had had enough and said no more – and chose instead to focus on my own healing and raise my own vibration. It created a desire within to refuse anything less than what I truly deserved.
I believe that this lesson was divinely guided and I am glad that I was offered it.
I saw them treat others horribly and discard them, and over time they treated me horribly and then eventually discarded me. Perhaps they don’t see how everything played out in the same way as me, but that’s how it seemed in my eyes. But I am grateful for this rejection, as it is obvious it was for my protection. And because I had already surrendered to whatever happened by that point, I was able to feel through that rejection and come out in an even better place.
Sometimes reaching our lowest of lows is the greatest of miracles.
I am thankful that throughout this lesson I was highly protected within the Spiritual Realm.
I knew the exact day I would be leaving that place about a week before I left. I was very connected to my intuition and the Spiritual Realm towards the end of my time there; and had the same premonition not one, but 3 times.
I was given a very clear opportunity by this person to choose to leave on my own accord. They went about it in a not so great way though. Thankfully I could see exactly what they were doing, and so my dignity remained in tact.
I meditated on whether to put in my resignation, because I knew there was no way I could stay working there anymore. Through meditation it became clear that I would be leaving on that Monday no matter what path I chose. With that knowledge I decided not to resign, and instead I went in as per normal on that Monday. I chose to allow them the opportunity to fire me in person. In doing so I offered them the opportunity to take accountability for their actions.
I walked into the office on that Monday, put my food in the fridge – and went to do my work.
The person who would be discarding me just a few hours later was so bright and cheery that morning; eerily so. In the whole entire time I was there I don’t think I had seen this person so happy. I guess there was a feeling that they had won, and that in a few hours they would see the back of me.
I knew what was to come before any words were even spoken. I have no idea if this person was aware that I already knew, but I didn’t care. The words that were spoken by this person during my termination were that nobody enjoyed providing this type of news – but this didn’t align with that bright and cheery demeanour that was shown when I entered the office earlier that day, or the poker face they showed during the termination of my employment.
I cannot tell you how grateful I was to walk out the door of that place with the knowledge I would never have to go back. I was so blessed that day with a new life. I was blessed with a fresh perspective of what it is to be alive. I got in my car and started beaming from ear to ear at being discarded. I was free from the burden that place represented for me. BUT I am very grateful for the lesson.
I have realised that everybody carries with them their own problems.
Some carry more burdens than others. But at the end of the day, it is a choice what burdens we choose to carry.
I sometimes wonder how they are doing, and I honestly wish them every blessing. Despite what they have done I hold only love in my heart for them, as I realise that they know not what they do. My hope though is that they might come to the realisation that they cannot keep doing what they are doing, for it will only result in more lessons. But I cannot hold onto this worry for them. These are their lessons to learn and not mine.
I gave them a gift by mirroring their behaviour and showing them what they needed to see. But for them to do this work they need to first be willing to look within. If they choose not to accept this gift and so choose not to look at what needs to be looked at, then they will likely be sent more lessons.
I am glad that I have learned self-love and are now free as a bird.
People can say things, but it is up to me how I respond. I have learned that it is okay to guard my heart to start with. To guard my heart allows another to show me what they need to show me before I fully allow them in. My heart is a sacred space. If I don’t guard it, then I will be sent lessons – and I may not be able to be there for others in the way that I would like to be.
I am not an option. I am not dispensable. If another sees me in that way, then it is my choice as to whether I make it my problem. I have come to a point that I am not willing to allow people to treat me badly, or take advantage of me anymore.
It is no longer about whether another likes or accepts me; I will not try to control that anymore.
It is now about whether another is working towards becoming their most authentic self, and whether in doing so they are a good fit for me. And whether I am a good fit for them, as I have done enough adjusting with a view to become something that another person wants me to be in this lifetime.
If a relationship or behaviour becomes toxic, that is the point that accountability and adjustment are required. If on the other hand, we are simply living authentically and establishing healthy boundaries then no adjustment should be required by the other.
We are not here to continually adjust. We are here to support each other in becoming that best and most amazing version of themselves. So, the question has become not whether they’re going to like me, but whether I will like them? And so long as I am being real, then I guess we will see whether they like me in return. It's time for us to find our tribe.
Hopefully sharing my story with you will help bring peace and balance to your life in some way. It is not easy learning the lessons we need to learn, but to reach happiness and fulfilment sometimes we've got to go through stuff.
This content is created by Rachel Reeves, who has always been a deep thinker. She previously played the supporting role in the lives of those around her, and very much held back on sharing this gift fully with other's. This is Rachel stepping very much out of her comfort zone, into what she now knows to be her inner calling, and sharing her thoughts with the world.
This article is intended to support self-growth, but the information provided is to be taken as personal opinion only. Feel free to take what resonates, but use your own inner-wisdom and guidance when doing so -- you know yourself much better than anybody else ever will. The information provided is to be in no way regarded as Medical, Legal, or Financial Advice. Please seek professional advice where needed. Thank you.