Updated: Jan 12, 2022
A lot of us seem to think our way is the best way, and the other person feels the same. The interesting thing is that both ways could potentially be the right way, but in the eyes of everyone involved the other persons way is just not right!
This leads to a stalemate. Somebody always ends up kind of winning. But does anyone truly win when we reach a stalemate? And then we perhaps wonder why life is holding us back, until we realise that the universe is trying to teach us a very important lesson.
Sometimes how we handle it when we butt heads with another is the lesson we need to learn.
How important is it for us to have control of every single situation? There are three ways this could go. We could be the winner, the loser, or we could compromise.
But the other person deserves to lose! But do they? Do they really? Is it really THAT important to always be right? Why do we sometimes feel such a strong desire to win at all costs?
Be wary of aligning yourself with those with a deep desire for influence, power, and control. I am sure you would agree that there can be an imbalance in the power dynamic between certain people or groups. A few examples of this are the employer/employee and the parent/child dynamic. I question whether this power dynamic is still okay if there is such a strong imbalance that there is no accountability by that person at the top?
Is it right to expect another to always conform, without giving them the opportunity to add their thoughts, and perhaps question the way forward? Could such a relationship be looked at more as a one-sided relationship, than a two-sided relationship?
Are there some people who always deserve to win? Why? What have they done that makes them so special? Or should we expect that those around us, no matter what the power dynamic, be accountable for their actions? Can we perhaps do ourselves a disservice by focusing too much on ensuring that we always maintain control?
Perhaps we need to encourage a more balanced approach and conversation within our relationships. One where both parties feel there is safety in speaking and being heard, without the fear that they will be shutdown mid-sentence, gossiped about, or made to feel less than in some way.
Why do we gossip and complain to others about a person? Why do we triangulate?
Are these things helpful to anyone? It might be helpful here and there to perhaps vent, but at what point does venting become gossip? Because sometimes people gossip for the sake of gossip but aren’t willing to look at themselves. It becomes all about what everyone else has done to them, and how dare anyone even suggest that they might be the problem.
I have come to a point in my life where I am not afraid to speak and be heard, and I am not afraid of the gossip that may come from doing so.
Being afraid of the gossip and being afraid of being rejected puts fear into us; and this fear has the potential to stop us from becoming the most authentic and best version of ourselves. I write because I love doing so, and I carry an inner knowledge that might be helpful to others in their life. I know that some people from my past and even some from the present might gossip when they come across what I have created. So be it. Let them gossip.
And then there’s the other side where a person does whatever is required JUST to fit in.
Because honestly, sometimes it’s just easier!
Unfortunately, the people pleasers of the world become martyrs, until such time as they recognise their worth and stand up for themselves. Those with narcissistic traits find a way to draw in those willing to sacrifice their life just to belong.
Once a person who was previously a martyr starts to recognise their worth, and stand for what they believe in, those who have previously taken advantage of them get upset and gossip about how that other person did wrong by them.
BUT if we look at the true intention of the person who was previously a people pleaser, they simply looked within and decided enough was enough. They decided to step into their power with a view to create a more balanced and stable life. Could it be that they never actually intended any harm on the person who previously controlled them?
If they have stepped away with a view to balance themselves out, why does it leave others feeling so angry and rejected – and why do others then go spreading rumours and gossip about this person?
If we look at the situation from a higher viewpoint, we can recognise that the person trying to find balance and stability in their life truly wishes the other no harm. They simply decided it was time to live life on their terms.
Be careful in getting involved with those who gossip. Remember you are hearing one perspective only. The person who is gossiping will tell you just enough to get you onside, and they will avoid disclosing anything at all that will make themselves look bad.
Gossip is a very low vibrational energy, and one to be avoided at all costs. Don't make assumptions about a person based on the gossip of another. Things have the potential to play out very differently if we refuse to gossip, and instead take the time to get to know those who we surround ourselves with.
Does gossip fix anything, or does it create a culture where others want to escape?
When we allow anger or envy to fester inside it has this tendency to spread through us like some sort of disease.
And because we haven’t dealt with the anger or envy that is festering within, we carry it to our next adventure, and then onto all the ones after that. And it grows into some kind of monster within us, until such time as we recognise that we have made a choice to carry it with us. We do all this subconsciously without really realising what we are doing.
Because we’re always right. Right?
If we actually had some sort of disease, we would go to the doctor and deal with it, would we not? We see the anger we carry as being outside of ourselves and want justice – we see the other person or situation as being the disease. But the truth is, we hold it within.
For some reason we hold onto it so tight it’s like we don’t want to let it go. We carry it with us like a badge. Then we wonder why we attract negative situations towards us, but the universe keeps sending us lessons that are aligned with what we need to learn. And instead of learning the lessons, we instead decide to complain and gossip, and the disease festers even more. Carrying anger and envy with for a long period of time has the potential to manifest as health issues. So maybe it’s time to forgive and let go?
At what point does it become our moment to look within, and do that work on ourselves?
We might butt heads with our ex, our friends, our family, a colleague, a boss at work, the shop attendant – the list goes on. Why is it that when we think we are right we can fly off the handle into some sort of rage? How might the person on the receiving end of that rage feel? Do we do things we thought we would never do, just because we feel an injustice? Maybe we don’t even realise we do these things; or perhaps we do, but we push them aside thinking we are justified in our actions.
If we live unconsciously, rather than consciously, we cease to do the work – and gossip and rumours will continue to be weaved throughout our relationships.
Consider those times that you or those around you might have spent defaming another’s name? And consider whether you can say with absolute certainty that all words spoken about that person were true? And if those you align yourself are gossiping to you about others, who's to say they aren't also gossiping behind your back? Is it is worth it aligning yourself with those who gossip? I can think of so many better ways to spend my time.
So do the work today, stop gossiping, and start living more consciously. Looking outside of ourselves is not the answer, looking within is. Because the only person we have true control over is ourselves.
That need to surrender is the lesson, not necessarily to the other – but instead to look within and focus on living more consciously.
Because if we continue to always look outside of ourselves at what we perceive another has done to us, then we fail to learn the lesson. It is important to hold ourselves accountable for our words, our intentions, and our actions. But accountability should ALWAYS go both ways, with no exception. There is an imbalance if it is one sided. Choose to respond, not react. And be wary of chasing people, influence, control, or power. And be mindful of those thoughts and people you align yourself with.
The only way we will ever actually learn the lessons we need to learn is at the point that we look within. I have so much respect for those willing to do the inner work. I also understand why some haven’t yet done the work, because the truth is it can take not only time, but great strength and courage to do that inner work.
Live life consciously, love yourself and know your worth. Blessings to you as you continue to work towards becoming the best version of yourself!
This content is created by Rachel Reeves, who has always been a deep thinker. She previously played the supporting role in the lives of those around her, and very much held back on sharing this gift fully with other's. This is Rachel stepping very much out of her comfort zone, into what she now knows to be her inner calling, and sharing her thoughts with the world.
This video and article is intended to support self-growth, but the information provided is to be taken as personal opinion only. Feel free to take what resonates, but use your own inner-wisdom and guidance when doing so -- you know yourself much better than anybody else ever will. The information provided is to be in no way regarded as Medical, Legal, or Financial Advice. Please seek professional advice where needed. Thank you.