To Speak and Be Heard… The Invisible Made Visible
I am learning to embrace authenticity and distance myself from those who make me feel invisible. It’s important that we see it for what it is when people choose not to see or hear us, or when they choose to ignore our truth. This is a choice. We all make choices every single day.
I have had enough of abandoning myself, with a view to be the ‘bigger person’ and keep others comfortable.
I now choose who I allow into my inner circle. What I have realised is that I can choose to surround myself with those who lift me up and celebrate me for who I am. Alternatively, I could surround myself with those who choose only parts of me that are allowed to be visible… and reject the rest. These days, I very consciously choose NOT to be invisible. I celebrate and uplift those who make me feel visible.
It hurts to be hurt.
It hurts even more when those around us try to pretend like the pain that we carry does not – or should not exist.
It is hurtful when those whom we surround ourselves with choose to and perhaps even teach us to ignore and invalidate certain parts of ourselves, including certain emotions.
Are we not allowed to feel sad, angry, frustrated, or hurt?
I question this story that many of us have been drip-fed that says we should not place ourselves up high on our priority list, because it is selfish. If I am required to put myself at the bottom of the priority list for another person; and this other person does not build me up… but instead they subtly or not so subtly tear me down – then where am I supposed to gain my confidence from? Am I allowed to be a confident person and feel empowered? If I am not, then why not?
When I feel confident and empowered, I step into the flow of who I am. I gain momentum in a direction that is supportive of the best version of myself. It also allows me to support those around me in a more powerful way.
To become a martyr does the opposite. It causes for me to dim my light. It causes for me to become anxious, depressed and to overthink. If I am expected to become a martyr for this other person, would they do the same for me? It is doubtful.
For this reason, I choose to place my self-care very high on my priority list today. Good day and good riddance to that other person who expects me to place my own self-love and self-care at the bottom of my priority list. They are very welcome to call me selfish. They can call me what they will. I know who I am and that is far more powerful than a label another might choose to place upon me.
In rejecting parts of us the other person invalidates our authenticity and truth. They are suggestive that we must adjust. This can be an extremely subtle attempt to manipulate and mould us into that person that they desire us to become.
To suggest that bits and pieces of a person are not okay is suggestive that this person must quieten those aspects of themselves. To expect this, can equate to an expectation that they dim their beautiful light to make others feel comfortable.
Sure, this person might be able to make life somewhat easier for the other person in the moment, by quietening certain aspects of themselves. But is this perhaps an unfair expectation? After all, they are being asked to sacrifice their own autonomy, are they not? Does it seem more feasible if we present it in a way that says it’s for the greater good of all? The truth is that they are being asked to make this aspect of themselves invisible, to keep the other person comfortable.
Those who have power and control are quite visible. Why is it that these same people might expect others to be invisible? Is it perhaps easier for them to maintain their position of influence and control through manipulating the others visibility? I’m sure some realise what they are doing, but does everybody?
Do we perhaps serve our own ego when we nurture and reward the people pleaser in others, as opposed to encouraging those around us to be authentic and true to themselves? If we become too afraid to call another out on their bs, does this become a never-ending cycle of toxic behaviour?
When a person influences us in such a way that makes us invisible, do we enable this behaviour if we choose to go with the flow of what the other seems to require of us? Is it worth sacrificing parts of ourselves to keep somebody else comfortable, or are we holding space for a person whose existence is built upon avoiding looking at their own stuff… for fear of what might happen if they do?
Each time I hold space for a person who ignores or invalidates my words or my emotions – I allow them to sweep a part of me under the rug. I choose not to be swept under the rug any longer. If the rug had not been moved, there would no longer be room available under that rug. But it’s not there. I chose to remove the rug and take it to the dump, where it belonged. These days, if you try and sweep parts of me under the rug, be prepared to be exposed for doing so.
It is of utmost importance that I be allowed to speak and be heard; and be visible in this world. In my opinion this rings true for every individual in this world.
If another prefers not to deal with my words or emotions, then quite honestly there is nothing here for them. My peace and my stability within self is way too important. This being the case, I shall quite happily walk away, or show you where the door is. I will no longer accept relationships where somebody thinks that I should sweep my essence under the rug. I am not some ornament for another to do as they please with. I am a human being and I come with emotions.
If you have spent a good part of your life sweeping your essence under the rug to keep others comfortable, like I did – then I would encourage you to very consciously observe and review. It’s important that each of us realise that we have the power to change our own paradigm. To stand in confidence is to hold our integrity, self-love, and authenticity in high esteem. Or we can continue to be the chameleon to keep those around us comfortable. It’s all in the choices that we individually make as a person.
This thought that a person can be “too intense” or “highly sensitive” or whatever, is an interesting one. A label is a label, and not helpful. Labels only become mine at the point that I onboard them. I don’t accept these labels. I don’t accept another person’s judgements, or the assumptions they make about me. These remain the thoughts of the other. They’re not mine… don’t pretend like they should be mine.
Am I to become the scapegoat of another? Good luck to that person who tries to force this upon me.
Perhaps I can pretend for just a while and make them think that they managed to snare me in their trap. Be mindful of playing games with another, for you might just get burned. What I have found is that it is much better to be the truth teller. If we choose to take part in a game of lies and manipulation, it is inevitable that we will lose out at some point, whether we are in the right or in the wrong.
Coercive control over another person is unlikely to last, as at some point the person on the receiving end of this abuse will see that their emotions are not being respected. Be mindful of how you treat another.
If somebody were to make me their puppet or scapegoat or whatever; and I rejected this at some point, would they then perhaps make me out to be the bad egg? Go for it.
I don’t care what burdens you think I should carry. I cease to care whether those around me like or dislike me. It is their prerogative to choose.
I do not accept the karma that another thinks I should carry, simply because they think I should be a certain way. I choose to be authentic and true to myself; and are going with the flow of who I am as a person. In my eyes, this is something that is favoured by the universe and by God.
I am not everybody’s cup of tea; and I make a conscious choice to not even try to be.
Where somebody feels that they can place their burdens upon me, my choice is to release those burdens just as soon as I see they have been placed upon me. I choose me. I choose to walk my own path, even if that makes me the black sheep or lone wolf.
I am also a powerful mirror, as are many. It is important that we are mindful of placing our burdens onto another, for these same burdens are likely to be mirrored back. This is the universes way of bringing balance back to the world. Might our manifestations shine a light on those lessons that our soul still needs to learn?
When things are mirrored back, we can choose to be the victim, or we can choose to embrace these lessons and take accountability for them. When we are ready, we can start to upgrade our paradigm.
Occasionally I wonder how many who have placed burdens upon me would cope with the weight of the burdens I have carried. This is not to say I wish my burdens upon anybody else. The truth is that I cannot wish what I have gone through upon even those who have done the most to me. I still have love for them even though they have tried to manipulate and control me. I now hold a great amount of respect for myself. I have learned how to disallow the manipulation and control of others to infiltrate my being.
My energy is sacred. If a person shows up in a way that is disrespectful, I won’t hesitate to call them out on this. If they offer love and respect, then I will reciprocate this love and respect.
It takes strength for a person to show vulnerability and speak their truth no matter how painful, with a hope that they might be able to heal this today.
Imagine how that person might feel if they speak their painful truth and it is brushed aside or labelled by the other. A person shows me who they are when they will not hold space when I express feelings of anger, hurt or sadness. If they ignore or laugh at my pain when it surfaces, then I choose to question the depth of our relationship.
Whether or not another truly sees and hears us, we can learn to truly see and hear ourselves. We can learn to respect our emotions. This is self-love and self-care. Part of giving to ourselves is about truly seeing and hearing ourselves, especially in the times that those around us do not.
If I desired a relationship that would ignore what I said and typically responded to certain queues in a perhaps stupidly happy positive fashion, then I would go to the shop and buy myself a talking doll or a teddy. I have outgrown talking dolls and teddies; and therefore, I have outgrown the person who only accepts the part of me that they prefer.
If a person wants to be in my life in the longer-term, they must accept me in my entirety. They must be prepared to take off that mask, to grow with me and to take accountability for their actions.
I desire relationships that are raw and real. I surround myself with people who show up for me. I steer clear of those who wear a mask and pretend like everything is just fine, when it is obviously not fine. I steer clear of those who make me feel like the drama queen or intense at the point that I speak those words that are normally avoided and evaded. I steer clear of those who play the victim.
I am instead here and available for those who are willing to put in the work.
We nurture invisibility in those around us if we choose to ignore the hurt and the suffering of that person. These are the moments when the other person needs us the most. I have observed as many around me emotionally checked out of my life at the point I was going through the most. They tried to teach me how I must show up for them, but it required for me to pretend like my own pain and suffering was non-existent.
We wonder why there are so many mental health issues in society. Each of us have a desire to be seen and heard. Is it okay to make a person invisible or invalidate their feelings when they are sad, angry, hurt, or frustrated? Could we be showing up in a better way for those around us? I suspect more would feel visible, if we all made a conscious effort to make at least one person feel truly seen and heard every single day.
If we only accept the happy and positive part of the other person, then are we potentially invalidating the other part of them that needs us the most. In my opinion it is inadvisable to invalidate another person’s hurt, pain, and suffering. At some point this person will open their eyes to the fact that we emotionally checked out in those times that they needed us the most.
If you are a person who has felt invisible to others, then know you are not alone. Focus on the power that you have to shift this paradigm. We won’t always feel seen and heard by those around us. We can choose how we respond to this though. The most important thing is that we become visible in our own mind. Because of this, we need to learn to prioritise our own needs, which include self-love, self-care, and self-respect. If your desire is to become more visible, then place your focus on your own autonomy, boundaries and fostering healthy relationships. The greatest change starts from within. Know that you hold the power within you to successfully shift this paradigm.
This content is created by Rachel Reeves, who has always been a deep thinker. She previously played the supporting role in the lives of those around her, and very much held back on sharing this gift fully with other's. This is Rachel stepping very much out of her comfort zone, into what she now knows to be her inner calling, and sharing her thoughts with the world.
This video and article is intended to support self-growth, but the information provided is to be taken as personal opinion only. Feel free to take what resonates, but use your own inner-wisdom and guidance when doing so -- you know yourself much better than anybody else ever will. The information provided is to be in no way regarded as Medical, Legal, or Financial Advice. Please seek professional advice where needed. Thank you.