I have spent some time grieving my past, so that I could heal from it.
It has not been the easiest of roads.
As I moved through the different cycles in life, I noticed as a more evolved version of the same lesson played out. It was like I was stuck in this never-ending loop of the same manifestation, with no possible way out.
I had no choice, but to look my fears dead in the eyes. Today I silently spoke to it.
The words that I said were:
"Although you might still constrict me in some ways right now, I see you. You will not get the better of me. You bound me in the past… you try to constrict me in the present… but at some point, I will leave you behind. You are not welcome here. I will see to it personally that I do not carry the burden of you into my future.”
It is true that my past still constricts me in some way.
Through choosing to validate my emotions as they surface… and grieve the loss of my past; and perhaps present – I maintain stability within my very being.
When I am feeling a little down, I have learned to give my inner child the most gigantic of hugs. I let them know that it’s okay to feel the way they do. And that no matter what, I won’t abandon or reject them. I will continue to walk with them every step of the way. This is an important part of my self-love and self-care routine.
My fear of more judgement, control… and of being unseen and unheard… are becoming somewhat irrelevant – as I have chosen to walk a very different path.
One that honours my truth… my authenticity… my inner beauty.
I see ME very clearly.
It is neither here nor there these days whether another sees me. That is the others prerogative. So long as I see me, then I am OK.
A light is shone on the path in front of me… I see it where I once did not.
One of hope and faith.
The truth is, the light on the path only reaches so far in front of me. I see where I must be within this very moment. I am learning to embrace the present moment… and be truly grateful for where I am right now. We live more wholly when we live within the present.
I have been leaning into this idea that everything will turn out even better than I can even imagine right now... because why not?
These days I hold my head high and walk with such ambition that nobody can knock me off my path indefinitely. Occasionally I am hit by my past within the present… and I get knocked down for just a minute. I get back up and keep pushing forwards, through the jungle that is life.
I cannot change the past and so I choose to grieve the past… and let go of what no longer serves me. At the same time I slowly but surely gather the wisdom from my past, so that I might carry it forwards with me.
My support system has always been this inevitable knowledge that I gather as I experience life. It is also my spiritual team who were not only there with me through the good times; but who have carried me through the bad.
And it will always be those within my current situation who do not fear their shadow. Some are not afraid to look at their own pain and drop those many layers and grow with me.
Others are very afraid; and that's perfectly understandable and okay.
My tribe has tended to sit within an ebb and flow of whomever is ready for me within this moment or that. Sometimes I have felt very much alone within my situation. I occasionally sit within this thought that perhaps I was never supposed to belong.
I am thankful for those who have been available when I’ve needed them and checked up on me all the way through. Those who still celebrated me, even when I stood within my shadow.
I now have an appreciation for those who showed up sporadically for me when they could, both in the past and the present. We are all on our own journey; and it's okay to pull back when needed. This is self-love and self-care.
There is no doubt in my mind that I will meet many more beautiful souls and that my tribe will be forever changing and growing.
It will always be through our own beautiful eyes that each of us will see the world.
Will it be through beauty, or will it forever be through pain?
This will always be the choice.
This content is created by Rachel Reeves, who has always been a deep thinker. She previously played the supporting role in the lives of those around her, and very much held back on sharing this gift fully with other's. This is Rachel stepping very much out of her comfort zone, into what she now knows to be her inner calling, and sharing her thoughts with the world.
This video and article is intended to support self-growth, but the information provided is to be taken as personal opinion only. Feel free to take what resonates, but use your own inner-wisdom and guidance when doing so -- you know yourself much better than anybody else ever will. The information provided is to be in no way regarded as Medical, Legal, or Financial Advice. Please seek professional advice where needed. Thank you.