Updated: Jan 12, 2022
Everyone’s thoughts and opinions matter. Have you ever considered the fact that another person’s opposing opinion may be just as valid as yours?
Do you always fight for what you believe, or do you know when to accept that perhaps you are clashing with another person because you both have very strong opposing opinions? If we do fight, at what point do we stop?
Have you considered what it actually means to win or lose? Sometimes when we go to great lengths to win, we all end up losing. Don’t get me wrong, I do understand the need to fight for what we believe in – I have been there! My question is, do we know when it is time to withdraw our energy, and move on to the next thing? Have we considered at what point we should let sleeping dogs lie?
I agree that a good debate has its place. It can make life interesting and help us to see things from a different perspective, and so help us to grow as a human race. But what happens when there is consistently a clash of opinions? What happens if there is an imbalance in power when those debates are in session? What happens when one person consistently wins over the other, and maybe this person is using not so nice tactics to ensure that they win. And so that other person is left to feel small, and like their opinion does not matter. I personally think it makes no sense that human’s do this to other humans. I am quite a competitive person myself, but it’s important to recognise that there’s a time and a place to be competitive; and we need to take care not to play with another person’s wellbeing in doing so.
It is not always necessary to provide an opinion, an explanation, or to question something another has to say.
Sometimes it is better to stand back and wait and follow another person’s lead on whether they want your support. That’s not say we shouldn’t be supportive, but we don’t necessarily have to always step in with our opinion.
I have realised that at times my words fall on deaf ears. Or perhaps the other simply heard what they wanted to hear, and came to their own conclusions. And that’s okay, but at the end of the day it’s my choice whether I make myself a part of this.
I am realising that at times perhaps it is better to speak little, if at all. Our energy is precious, and not to be gifted on a silver platter. If we choose to do something for another, then it should be because we want to, not because we feel obligated to or are seeking validation.
My thought is that healthy relationships are not built on whether there are winners and losers; and become toxic when at least one person judges another or tries to win at all costs. A healthy relationship should be built on a foundation where no one person is trying to be the winner or loser. It is important that each person feels that their opinion is valid, and that they as a person matter. As I see it, each individual person in this world simply wants to feel heard, and not judged.
As a Projector (Human Design) this has been even more important for me to learn.
I used to step in and offer my opinion when I thought I had something to offer, but often I would feel like the other person wasn’t at a point they were ready to accept my opinion. Anyone who understands what it is to be a Projector recognises that we are to be invited, otherwise things don’t really flow in the way that they should.
My observation has been that if I was not properly invited to offer my opinion, the other person wouldn’t necessarily make space for it – and instead I was made to feel small and like my opinion didn’t really matter.
Because of this I felt like I was being very giving of my energy, but it was not being received even though I was giving with good intention. I became a people pleaser, because I realised that I was accepted only if my opinion aligned with another’s. And so, I would initially refrain from speaking my truth. But due to those lessons that the universe put in my path, I always reached a point where I was forced to speak this truth. At that point people would question why I hadn’t spoken up earlier…
Each time this would happen it would lead to burn out, because by that point I had unintentionally given too much of myself. The fact is that a Projector isn’t meant to live like a Generator. That is, in effect, what I was trying to do – because that is what I had been taught was the correct way.
I have recently realised that providing my thoughts in the space that I am now in is so much more appropriate and can reach a much broader audience. Their choice to receive what I have to say is the point that they invite me to offer it.
If you haven’t already investigated Human Design, I would encourage you to do so. It has helped me to not only understand myself but has helped me to understand other people’s actions as well.
This leads me to the point that it is not always in the highest good of all for us to stay in a relationship.
I used to stay in a situation, and I prided myself on the fact that I wouldn’t run away when things got a little tough. Invariably, at some point I would have to move away or be discarded. And then I would feel the rejection and would have proof yet again that I was a failure. I felt like there was something wrong with me, and some people even pointed out that perhaps there was something wrong with me.
I have since realised that there is nothing wrong with me at all. In fact, I am not of the opinion there is something wrong with anybody on this earth. We are just all at different points in our journey, and we have different lessons to learn. This is not to say I would ever go back to a failed relationship, as I have awoken to the behaviours, and I make the choice not to ignore the reasons for moving on the last time.
Staying in these situations, I felt like I was making a difference. I have since realised that perhaps I was just in co-dependent relationships, and the lesson I was needing to learn was one of self-love and self-worth. My journey has also been one where I have developed great strength, and always managed to alchemise my trauma into self-growth.
At what point do we question the behaviours within a toxic relationship, and refuse to accept them anymore? At what point do we choose to move on? If we accept and allow these behaviours, then it is pretty much a given that wounds will form within us that we will later need to heal from.
That is not to say that all of us can instantaneously move on from a situation. I understand that this is sometimes not possible. But if you have found yourself in an abusive relationship and are unsure how to move on, then please seek professional help as soon as possible, so that you can safely move out of this relationship.
This content is created by Rachel Reeves, who has always been a deep thinker. She previously played the supporting role in the lives of those around her, and very much held back on sharing this gift fully with other's. This is Rachel stepping very much out of her comfort zone, into what she now knows to be her inner calling, and sharing her thoughts with the world.
This article is intended to support self-growth, but the information provided is to be taken as personal opinion only. Feel free to take what resonates, but use your own inner-wisdom and guidance when doing so -- you know yourself much better than anybody else ever will. The information provided is to be in no way regarded as Medical, Legal, or Financial Advice. Please seek professional advice where needed. Thank you.
Everyone's thoughts and opinions matter.
Have you ever considered the fact that another person's opposing opinion may be just as valid as yours?