Woah. I’ve been going on such a rollercoaster in the past few months – it’s a little crazy. I love the physical sensation of the rollercoaster. I love any kind of ride, even if they scare the bejeebers out of me.
Through all my trying, I haven’t yet mastered embracing this rollercoaster called life though. I’m of the thought that perhaps I will get to 90 and still be trying to figure it out haha. The rollercoaster that is life tends to sometimes overwhelm me. My head gets in some sort of tizzle and it forces me to take a step back to be able to move forwards again.
I love people, but I sometimes struggle to hold space for myself when I feel they get too close.
What is too close? My thought is this is mutable, dependent on the people interacting.
I can quite openly write about many of my experiences here, yet I still carry other certain insecurities, which I observe as I go about my day.
Some people are very secure within themselves and find it easy to get close to the other. Others of us have gone on a journey through deep mud, that feels much like quicksand. We spend our days trying our best to pull ourselves out. As we do, we realise that we are a mess and need to take a bath. We scrub and scrub and scrub… then pull the plug and watch as that mud that we carried for so long makes its way down the drain. Then we go about our day, only to find ourselves knee deep in the mud once again…
This leads into this thought that not all of us are ready to get close.
Something I personally struggle with is when I need to work through my own emotions relating to a person whom is close offering constructive criticism in a certain type of way.
Most the time I’m OK with it. But every now and then something is said that pushes my buttons. From the others perspective they are not intending to push said buttons, yet I feel like I am child again and I get frazzled by my mess of emotions as they boldly make their way to the surface.
If this person was a stranger, then it would have been much easier to pay these same criticisms no mind. These days I find it easier to be semi-detached for the most part. If I don't know another all that well, and they don’t know me – why would I even think to place myself in their pocket?
It’s important that I am called out on my stuff though, especially by those who are close. This is how I learn what it is to be close. But sometimes I pull back, with a view to keep the peace – because I’m somewhat worried of what might happen if I stand too intensely in my fire.
What I have realised given time is that I have this tendency to be so brutally honest with a person, if I am being authentic. This is the Aries within me. Is it right, or is it wrong to show this part of myself... this is something that one must sit with.
I sometimes think to myself, why would anybody want to get close to that? But on the reverse, I sit with a childlike wonder of why I still hide parts of myself. Duality. Lol.
Given time, what I have realised is that people either love me or love me not. Does it really matter though if people love me not? To a point I guess. But I am realising that some love me anyway, just as I am, including my weird idiosyncrasy's.
Hopefully my thoughts spoke to you in some sort of way. Thank you for reading; and I wish you peace, stability and happiness as you move through your day.
~ Rachel Reeves
This content is created by Rachel Reeves, who has always been a deep thinker. She previously played the supporting role in the lives of those around her, and very much held back on sharing this gift fully with other's. This is Rachel stepping very much out of her comfort zone, into what she now knows to be her inner calling, and sharing her thoughts with the world.
This video and article is intended to support self-growth, but the information provided is to be taken as personal opinion only. Feel free to take what resonates, but use your own inner-wisdom and guidance when doing so -- you know yourself much better than anybody else ever will. The information provided is to be in no way regarded as Medical, Legal, or Financial Advice. Please seek professional advice where needed. Thank you.
Those who manage to fumble their way out of their darkness, are often the same people who become a guiding light for others.
~ Rachel Reeves